UnPlan My Family

The Question: Have I Seen the Hand of God Reaching Out to Touch Us Today?

I plan all that I can. I’ve always been this way. I planned my career in high school including where I wanted to go to graduate school, when I would marry and have my first child and how many children I would have. Silly me, I thought these things were in my control.

When I met my future husband years ahead of my perceived schedule, I ate my humble pie and then tried to see God’s hand in what He might have planned. But learning is a process, and I still approached motherhood with my ideal plan of the perfect spacing and birth order of each sex. Specifically, I didn’t have an older brother and I wanted my daughters to have one.

I had a girl first. I never felt disappointment but adoration for her life. Next, I had a boy. By then I was all mom all the time and cared more about controlling my temper than controlling our family dynamics. I’d long forgotten my desire for my daughters to have an older brother by the birth of my third and last child—a girl.

Fast forward nine years later. I stood in my kitchen last night cleaning up after I’d sent my youngest daughter and my son off to bed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw them reappear with each other. I was just about to scold them for not obeying, when I saw two pajamaed children—almost head to head—carrying on about something they wanted to do the next day. The back and forth between them, which I had interpreted as friction, connected them in their own way. I heard the admiration in her words as they figured things out together. In her gestures and her eyes, I saw her love.

God’s plan had unfolded. Without my help and in unplanned and seemingly contentious moments they’d grown together into the ideal I’d imagined. He does plan better than I do, if I’ll let Him.

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1 Comment

  1. Ryan
    Aug 7, 2008

    See, and all it took was patience, and everything worked out. (Well, you know, almost everything.) I see the same old patterns in my life as well. Sometimes it’s so hard to accept that God is in control when current circumstances are so hard. It’s often difficult to see that it [the hard stuff] is all worth it. On a personal note, I really hope it’s worth it!

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